Saturday, August 17, 2013

When Your Stress Level Goes Through The Roof

Faux Boulder Turquoise
It is always aa trying time for me when I write a new tutorial.  It seems old Karma picks that time to kick me in the butt, every time.  Stupid stuff goes wrong, the accidents keep piling up, and my stress level goes through the roof.  

Naturally, when a tutorial is now almost 4 months past the original date I had hoped to have it published, well, you can just imagine how stressed I am.  

Unfortunately, the new faux tutorial is still not finished.  In the past three weeks, I lost hundreds of photos, my camera died on me, my printer died on me, and my beloved Nesco oven died on me.  Ask me which is worse.  At this point, I couldn't tell you.  

Having no steady income means that sometimes, new supplies have to wait for the income to catch up to the need, but when three absolute necessities such as a camera, printer and oven go kaput, frustration quickly turns to despair.  I learned that when you work for yourself, a business loan is much harder to get.  The banker actually laughed at me.  I was so embarrassed.  Good credit will only take you so far.  They actually want to know that you can repay the loan.  Imagine that.  

I looked at some of the online lenders, like Kiva and others, but they would take longer than I have to get the new equipment and get the tutorial published. 

Faux Purple turquoise with genuine purple Howlite beads
I had to resort to selling some things I had hoped never to have to part with, more so because they were my insurance against something happening that I couldn't pay for in the future... oh, wait, something did happen that I couldn't pay for, so then depression set in when I realized, what will I do if something really bad happens in the future?  

All this put me in a bad place for the last two weeks, and I don't mind telling you, I was scared. Very scared.  I suddenly didn't like this full time artist business.  My creativity level has sunk to an all-time low.  I think my muse is even terrified of me.  

Luckily, all the basic technique photos were shot before the camera died.  I was able to find the same model of camera, my beloved Canon Powershot SX110is, on ebay, for a fraction of its original cost.  It arrived yesterday, and so far it works just fine.  

Faux Yellow Turquoise andAutumn Jasper
Before I found the Canon, I dug out my old Sony Mavica to use, then realized I had never used an SD card with it, only a floppy disc.   I took about a hundred pictures on it, then tried to stick the floppy into my laptop.  Guess what? It ain't got no stinkin' floppy drive!

This is the kind of stupid thing I do when in the throes of tutorial meltdown.  I don't think logically. I went and bought an SD card, with my increasingly small stash of emergency money, only to discover I bought a "Pro" SD card, not a "non Pro" SD card, which of course, an old Sony Mavica uses instead of a "Pro." Naturally.  I wasted a quarter of a tank of gas and 25 bucks figuring out that one.  

Do you ever have days you feel like nothing you do is right?   Yep, that's me, on day 23 of this pity party for one.  All this negativity isn't helping, I know, but for now, that's just where I am.  So, pardon my blue funk for a bit longer while you wait on the new tutorial.  

Faux Dalmation Jasper with Pink Rhodocrhosite and Blue Turquoise
The good news, and there is good news, is that I got the new camera out today and recreated some of the recipes in the new faux tutorial just to get my mind in the right mood to create.  So far, so good.

Here are a few more of the photos I took before the camera debacle, some Boulder Turquoise, Purple Turquoise, Yellow Turquoise with Autumn Jasper, Dalmation Jasper with Pink Rhodochrosite. and Blue Turquoise, and a mosaic mishmash of Lapis and various Turquoises.  

I can't bring myself to put out a tutorial that is nothing less than my best, and it just isn't quite there yet.  Good things come to those who wait, right?  

Someone should have told me when I started creating stuff that people with OCD shouldn't be artists.  That, paired with being a left-handed, Type A personality perfectionist... I was doomed from the start! 



Claire Maunsell said...

Oh - i was wondering how you were and am so glad you wrote this post. Sounds like my summer, so frustrating, the money poor kids were suffering the throes of teenage moodiness and driving me mad.

So glad you've discovered the ebay camera route, all of my cameras have come from ebay for under 100$ and have been great. I'll never buy a new one again - best, in a time squeeze (as these things always are..) you don't have to relearn another camera!

We all know your next tutorial will be fabulous, breathe deeply and get it to where you want it! If there is anything I can do to help, let me know!

Kim said...

Oh that is such a bad run of luck :( Have you ever thought of pre-selling your tutorials, perhaps at a small discount to help fund your tutorial development? I saw Kate McKinnon do that with her new book and I don't think you'd have an any issue getting people to buy into that concept given the awesome track record you've had with your tutorials!

John(SC) said...

Hi Lynda,
I wondered what happened to you. Read my comments on your last blog post. Seems even more appropriate now. I think the pre-selling your tutorials could work, but with your financial situation, I don't think at a discount is a good idea. Just let us know how much and I believe your fans will come through big time. You know I will. Did you find your Nesco?
I posted on your facebook page a while ago, but I guess you haven't had time to read it.
There's a part in the Over The Rainbow song I mentioned that goes, " Where even dreams that you dare to dream really can come true." Or something like that. Go ahead, Dream baby, Dream. It WILL come true.


Kashmira said...

So very sorry to hear everything hitting you all at once :(
Glad you are a trooper and still holding up. Have you looked into for loans? I think its worth a try!

All the very best!!!

JuLee said...

I agree. I will be happy to pre pay for this tutorial. People preorder books all the time, so why not tuts? I KNOW that it will be fabulous and am willing to pay now to play later.

Anonymous said...

just a word from Switzerland to encourage you, what you create is fabulous, please do not get discouraged !!!! I think many people are ready to help and pre-pay for a the new tutorial.
You are a great artist ;))

Lupe Meter said...

So sorry you have been down. I am OCD too, so I know how you feel. Lynda, your tutes are marvelous, and I am in the group of pre-ordering if that helps you out too! Don't give in to that negative nonsense, they are just bumps in the road to make you stronger! It is all about God's timing. Whatever you come up with will be great, I know it and everybody is too! Sending you hugs! Will be praying for you my friend!

Laurel said...

You should definitely offer pre-orders on the newbie! I did on my last tute, which, oh yeah, was on my versions of faux turquoise, which are nothing like yours. I'm sure the new one will be as fantastic as the rest have been - more, even. It just takes a little longer to get things done without having the cash upfront - and you know I know about that!

Bonnie Kreger at B-LEE KREATIONS said...

Lynda, I'm in Chicago by my sister's and I want to tell you something but not on blog. I don't have email addresses and I'm on a WWII computer. Please send me an email at my regular email address and I can respond.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the new tutorial! I am also supportive of a pre order payment. A talent like yours is a blessing and a joy to see!